I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
