then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
