I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize