No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
