either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
