I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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