he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
ttyl tear gas
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
