So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
