He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
