So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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