I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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