Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
