Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
