fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
