I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Randomize
