the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
