Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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