Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
