The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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