i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
