Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
