I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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