Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
