Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
