How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
