Christians are straight up FREAKS
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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