just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
high people should be assigned attendants
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
