Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
