this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
