she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
