There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
