I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
