you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
