Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Randomize
