I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
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