remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
