I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
