my mouth tastes like poor choices
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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