Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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