he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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