i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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