Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
