It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize