Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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