i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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