Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
