i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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