everyone is single if you try hard enough
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
