The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
