got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
The ass gains better be worth it
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