i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Randomize
