My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
