My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
