I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
