Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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