So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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