highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
