You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize
