I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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