I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
