i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Randomize
