I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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