Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
