I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
