Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
She's the barista slut.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
The air taste purple.
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