I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
how does that bad decision feel?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
