Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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