Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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