You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
