you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
