If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
