y did u give ur computer a hand job?
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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